Standing at the Edge of the Earth

“I knew that this moment would come in time

That I’d have to let go and watch you fly

I know you’re coming back so why am I dying inside?”

The music stopped. Lajah pressed the pause button on her discman when she felt her cell phone vibrating on her pocket. She could not believe what she just heard from the other line. She quickly grabbed her bag and headed to the door when she suddenly stopped from her track. She went back to her bed to pick up her diary on which she carries along anywhere she goes.

It was twelve minutes after five o’clock in the afternoon.

“Damn! Why didn’t she tell me earlier?” she said to herself. The wedding will start at 5:30, and it would take her almost an hour to get there. Her hands felt cold and she was sweating profusely. Actually, she wanted to cry but she was shy because the other passengers on the jeepney might stare at her. Therefore, she just tucked the headphones of her discman onto her ears.

“Are you searching for words that you can’t find

Trying to hide your emotions but eyes don’t lie?

Lajah mumbled to herself: “Shit! Standing at the edge of the earth again?” Instead of pulling off the cd, she continued listening to it and memories flashed back to her head.

She was wearing the most beautiful dress she ever had. She felt very beautiful that night, what with a handsome guy holding her hands as they dance the night away. Their friend who threw that night’s party paired them up. For Lajah, that night changed her entire life. She never believed in love at first sight, not until she met Joseph. From then on, they became text mates; they would go out together, watch movies, dine out and play at the arcade. Lajah never felt so happy in her life, she was in bliss, so in-love. However, she never thought it would end soon. Joseph did not visit her anymore, not even text and call from him. He was gone – without even saying goodbye. Lajah was hurt because Joseph was her first love. She thought he loved her too but she realized, he never said those magic words.

She tried to move on, focusing on her studies. She graduated with excellence and landed a good job at the city. Somehow, she had managed to take off her mind the memories of Joseph. Yet, in her heart, he has always been a part of it. Nevertheless, there came a guy who loved her so much, eventually, he became her boyfriend.

But fate has its own game. Joseph and Lajah chanced upon each other one time. On that moment, Joseph explained why he suddenly left her without saying a word. Lajah didn’t mind his explanations because what matters to her is that he came back and he finally said the three magic words. Upon hearing those words coming from the man he always loved, she cried. She wanted to hug him but the thought of her boyfriend strikes her. Her heart beats only for Joseph but it already belongs to someone else she couldn’t afford to hurt. She blamed herself for not waiting for Joseph. They could have been together. Still, their communication didn’t stop from there. They even dedicated songs to one another. Joseph dedicated the song “Hands to Heaven”, while she gave “Standing at the Edge of the Earth”. Then, he was gone once again leaving her heart totally broken.

“I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth

Hoping that one day, you’ll come back again

I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth

Hoping that someday you’ll come back to me”

Lajah rewind the song and play it over again. Tears were already flowing from her eyes, not minding the other passengers who keep on staring her. She continued playing the memories on her mind:

When Joseph broke again his promise that he would never leave her anymore, Lajah decided to draw more attention to her work and to her faithful boyfriend. But once again, it is as if fate wanted to test Lajah’s strength. One fine afternoon, while Lajah was on her way home from the market, she saw Joseph across the street. For a moment, she just stood there, not knowing what to do. Then she decided to avoid him, but it was too late, she was unaware that Joseph was already in front of him. Their feet led them to an almost deserted place; a single tree standing at the edge of the cliff was the only remarkable thing in there. Deafening silence filled the air. She let out a big sigh which in effect, Joseph broke the silence. He asked about her and her boyfriend. She felt annoyed. “Why do you have to ask that”? she wanted to ask but only kept it to herself. When Lajah didn’t answer, Joseph looked away and said: “I-I got back with my ex-girlfriend.” It was as if cold water was splashed over Lajah’s body. She still kept quiet ’til a teardrop fell from her eyes. Instantly, he hugged her and so she let her cries turned into sob. Joseph confessed his feelings for her since the first time they met but circumstances hindrance them to be together. Lajah also said how she felt that night they first met ’til that day. Once again, silence hovered between them. When they looked at each other’s eyes, they both understood what the eyes wanted to tell. Lajah wanted to fight for their love but couldn’t do so. She was born weak, always thinking what others would say; always sensitive to the feelings of other people; and always sacrificing for other’s happiness even though she would be left hurting. As for Joseph, he always decides on what others think is right. He’s also weak. Therefore, they both decided to let each other go. But before Joseph went away, he told Lajah: “If destiny allows us to be together in the end, destiny will find it’s way”. She kept those words to her heart as she watched his shadow fades away on that place.

“And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I’ll….
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you’ll come back again
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping that someday
You’ll come back to me”

For over a year, they never had any communication. She got her hankies from her bag to dry her tears. She saw her diary and she softly caresses its cover. For her, that diary is her treasure. All her emotions were written on it since she met Joseph. She would die if she lost it.

After a while, she stopped to her destination. She could already see the cross of the church but she has to walk through a narrow street to get there. It was already dark and the street has no lights. With the song still playing on her ears, she bravely walked through that street, unaware that a man was following her. She could see the bright lights and beautiful flowers decorating the church when she was already midway the street. She could hear the choir’s beautiful voices. “I have to hurry!” she mumbled. When suddenly, a bearded man appeared in front of him grabbing her bag, but she didn’t let go of it.

Meanwhile, inside the church, the couple has just exchanged their “I do’s”. The ceremony was over and they gradually took pictures. Relatives and friends congratulated them as the couple marched outside.

“Joseph, at last you already married Nadine!” a guest exclaimed.

Small grains of rice and petal of flowers showered the couple as they made their way to the bridal car. While meters away from the church, a pale body was lying on the ground. Up to her last breath, she tightly gripped the diary; the reason why she didn’t want to give her bag to the bearded man who stroked her several times with a knife. It is because it was in there where it was written that she finally broke up with her boyfriend because she still loves Joseph; it is her testimonial to her undying love to him. Her discman still plays her favorite song:

“Guess there’s no easy way to say goodbye,

So I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth

Hoping that someday you’ll come back again

I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth”

copyright bart 2005