I heaved a sigh? Look at the ashtray on top of the computer table, nope, I don?t smoke ? that?s my brother?s. I frowned. My brother never listened to us about the danger of smoking, much more be traumatized to what happened to our father and uncle. Anyway, I kinda paused at the song being played at my media player. Angel by Sarah Maclachlan, it?s one of my favorite songs actually.
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance ,
For the break that will make it okay .
There?s always some reason to feel not good enough ,
And it?s hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction or a beautiful release ,
Memories seep from my veins .
Memories? that?s what I have now. I remember what she told me, that sometimes, it?s better not to open yourself to others. And she was right, now, it?s seems like we?re strangers. Remembering the good old times when our group would take our lunch together, saddens me. We could have been very good friends, if not only because of the ?so-called-corporate-shits?. Everything happens for a reason, but it could be altered if we didn?t let our pride let in, and all the nasty things we said and done. Well, maybe time will come we?ll find each other talking and trusting each other again ? I?m not closing my door.
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe,
I?ll find some peace tonight .
Is it just me or some forces of nature swept away the ?logical thing? in us? For the past few days, I tried not to think of it, but of course, I can?t help it. My bestfriend and I have a misunderstanding, I just want to clarify to her for the nth time, that I?m not defending him. Well, I also understand that her mind is still close for neither him nor mine?s side. It?s nobody?s fault actually, so I?m praying that it will all come back someday.
In the arms of the angel far away from here ,
From this dark , cold hotel room and the endlessness that you feel .
Okay, I?m not in a hotel, I?m just here at my room? thinking, thinking, and thinking. Argh! Why is this happening? I asked God to grant me one thing I really wanted to have, and he gave it to me. Yet, here I am, giving it back to Him. Because along the way, there was this hurdle I couldn?t pass through. I thought I could make it, envisioning one of my dreams to be fulfilled, but then something inevitable came and shattered my dream at once. Now, I?m stuck here. It?s not that I?m questioning or blaming God ? I would never do that! I just want to know, what is in store for me. With the help of God, I know I will find it soon.
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie ,
You?re in the arms of the angel , may you find some comfort here .
Tonight, I?ll take a warm shower and drink a glass of milk to have a goodnight sleep, and peace of mind, even if for just eight hours.